Sitting reading in the winter midday sun, Cynthia turned to her husband & said “I feel like soup for lunch, would you like soup?” He agreed and she went off to the kitchen to make the soup, giving a friend of hers a quick ring to get the recipe for a great broth she had had only a few weeks ago. She quickly scribbled it down on a post-it note and said goodbye, gathering all of the necessary ingredients together and beginning to prepare the meal. She normally liked to add lentils to hearten the brew a little, but upon searching found that there were none. With a shrug of the shoulders she continued the preparation, making due with what she had.
It could have been very different.
Sitting reading in the winter midday sun, Cynthia turned to her husband & said “I feel like soup for lunch, would you like soup?” As he agreed she dragged him to the kitchen with her because she was afraid he wouldn’t be there when she got back. She called her friend for the recipe for a great soup she had a few weeks ago, and once she had written it down, told her to stay on the line just in case she needed advice during the preparation. She gathered all of the ingredients into her arms, unwilling to let any go, and, discovering she needed lentils, set off for the store — husband in tow, friend on the phone and arms overflowing with ingredients.
A ridiculous scenario, I know, yet this is how the majority live their lives every day, metaphorically speaking. We have been taught that we are in control of our lives and had better remain in control, clinging to every aspect, because if we don’t it will all crumble away and we will be left with nothing.
Asking Yourself The Right Questions
Yet what happens when we let go? The soup turns into a gourmet delight because it is thrown together with ease. It can never be recreated because a recipe wasn’t adhered to, but this is fine, because we are content in the knowledge that another delightfully delicious creation can be made tomorrow in the same way: by letting go.
It takes courage to let go in life. Our ego screams that it’s not safe. We feel that fear in our nervous systems. Everyone around us repeats this fear to us, they tell you that you are irresponsible for letting go. Doubt creeps in. What if I’m not supported? What if I’m not good enough? What if I haven’t done enough? What if…? What if…? What if…?
The only way out of this fear trap is to go within to find that courage. We need to ask ourselves the important questions: Instead of “What if I fail?”, how about “Will I succeed?”. Instead of “What if I’m not supported?”, how about “Will I be supported?”.
The universe answers, every time.
And there are tools available to us as well. Meditation can allow you to hear those answers. Seeking wisdom from those who are leading the way can give you those answers. Getting a psychic reading can give you those answers, or confirm what you already know inside. All of these things give you the courage required to take that leap of faith into the unknown. Yes, the unknown is a place where you must be vulnerable, where you cannot hold on, where you cannot control– but it’s also where the magic happens.
Vulnerability is an uncomfortable state where our hearts are wide open and available to people, opportunity & magic. To remain in this state requires us to practice self-compassion, soothing ourselves, breathing deep when our fear is just under the surface, self-love, knowing that we deserve the best life has to offer, knowing that we are worthy of joy & freedom, self-confidence, knowing that we have whatever it takes, already within ourselves, to deal with whatever comes up. We have proof because we are still here, with enough self-esteem to keep going and hold our head high, and enough wisdom to know what we want & that we can have it, being able to stand firm against the fearful naysayers.
In this state of empowered vulnerability we get to experience the magic of life. The universe lines up incredible experiences for us, beyond anything we could have ‘controlled’ into being. Very few people get to experience this state. Their fear is simply too strong.
Getting Bad Relationships Out of the Equation
Letting go of the controls requires you to let go of people, places & safety nets.
The right people will come into our lives if we let go of the wrong people from our lives. People generally join us for just one stage of our lives, we are a match to them in that moment, they are a match to us in that moment, we share that part of our paths together, we learn from them, we are supported by them & then we go our separate ways as our paths diverge, and they are no longer the ones who can support us or teach us (or us, them) in the next step of our journey.
It’s essential at this point to let them go. To look back & see how perfect they were for us back then, to see the lessons we got, to see the support we received, rather than looking endlessly at what is missing from the equation now that they are no longer a fit.
This applies to family, friends, colleagues, and partners. You might get lucky and find someone who has such a similar path to yours that you will always, or often, be a match, but this is very rare if you are learning and growing and living life to the fullest.
Many people cling to relationships in a manner that suggests there is something wrong if they don’t last forever. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Honour your path and allow yourself to move along it knowing that the next right people will show up as soon as you have made space for them to.
How? By letting go.
Breaking Away From Routine Through Travel
People often find themselves when they travel. They find out who they really are. This is no coincidence. Travel causes you to be open and free. It is a temporary break from routine– the routine that keeps us in the same places, day after day, seeing the same people, and doing the same things. This break from routine, the openness and freedom of it, allows the universe to step up the magic and deliver mysterious encounters and opportunities that not only help you find yourself, but also grow & experience pure joy. (That is, unless you over-control your travel by having a rigid itinerary.)
This state of openness & non-attachment to places can be achieved all of the time, it does not need to be saved for holidays or backpacking. Being location independent and flowing with your changing needs allows for maximum magical delivery. Sound crazy? Not in the least. It’s ok to not know how long you will be in a place. It’s ok to have to pay cancellation fees when it’s time to move on because almost everyone else is stuck in control-land: a plan b, insurance, a safety net to fall back on. What these all really signify is a life lived with one foot in the past whilst trying to move the other foot into the future.
Yet it doesn’t work like this. Life moves forward, all of the time. Holding onto a safety net is holding on, plain and simple, and it prevents the magic from happening. It’s like trying to find a new partner when you’re still in a relationship. It’s like trying to experience freedom whilst having to stay in that one house that you bought & still need to pay for. It’s like trying to experience abundance when you’re focused on just making enough to get by. To truly experience what you are looking for requires you to let go. It requires you to trust in the universe, and trust your higher self more than you trust your ego — your ego, that is constantly speaking fears into your ears.
Courage Leads to Emergence From the Cocoon
Living with this level of freedom takes courage to choose a different path, your own unique path. It takes courage to say “I don’t know” to people who want you to control your life. It takes courage to say goodbye to people, places & possessions. It takes courage to get through the periods of change when your fear buttons are being pressed, and it takes copious amounts of self-love, self-compassion, self-confidence & self-esteem. It takes you putting you first. It takes a total commitment to living the most incredible life possible. It takes you claiming everything that this life experience can be, everything that you ever wanted.
And really, if you’re not doing that, what are you doing?
About The Author
Claire Loiuse Hay is a writer, blogger and traveller, the founder & CEO of Be Healing, and a personal expert on the art of letting go. Visit www.behealing.com for a free copy of her latest book, “Having It All”, her personal life journey of healing herself, letting go & all of the magic life has manifested for her since. Claire’s teachings & life changing programs can be found on the website as well, along with private sessions offering guidance readings & life breakthrough sessions.