17 Quotes That Suggest Donald Trump May Actually Be a Monkey

Everyone hates Donald Trump. Seriously, the Washington Post and Esquire, two prominent news and entertainment sources, have actually used valuable space to air their grievances with the potential 2016 presidential candidate and Tea Partier.

Donald Trump‘s sordid past is nothing short of a train wreck, and will surely only be indicative of his future. The guy who thinks he can run the country drove Trump Entertainment Resorts into bankruptcy 3 times when they were under his managementand is now suing to have his name removed due to ‘bad publicity’.

Bad publicity? Really? What does he call what falls out of his mouth every time he opens it? Good publicity?

This fact alone should clearly indicate to the rest of us that ol’ Trumpy lives in a world all his own, and far from what any of the rest of us would call human. 

Remember the little quiz-game David Letterman used to use to stump audiences everywhere? Trump or Monkey’? While it was just the billionaire’s famous hairdo he was comparing to our lower primate friends, I feel the time has come to call out the rest of him.

Yes, judging by his infamous reputation of being a total jerk with uneducated opinions about pretty much everything and everyone, this nearly 70-year-old racist, hypocritical, poop-flinging, scrooge-esque, dirty old man may, in fact, be a baboon. How? He’s pretty much spelled it out himself. Here are 17 quotes from our lower primate cousin that reek of ‘good publicity’.

  • “Love him or hate him, Trump is a man who is certain about what he wants and sets out to get it, no holds barred. Women find his power almost as much of a turn-on as his money.”

As a woman, I just threw up a little in my mouth.

  • “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending the best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems. They’re bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime. They’re rapists and some, I assume, are good people, but I speak to border guards and they’re telling us what we’re getting.”

An entire race of people are rapists. I didn’t know you could fling that much poop at once.

  • “Everything in life is luck.”

Seems like a motivating quote, however, if you’re running for president, I don’t think I’m interested in having the future of my country dependent on luck.

  • “Part of being a winner is knowing when enough is enough. Sometimes you have to give up the fight and walk away, and move on to something that’s more productive.”

AKA: “I’m a sore loser and don’t want anyone remembering my many failings in life.”

  • “I have a great relationship with the blacks. I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks.”

Tact and sensitivity at its best, Mr. Trump.

  • “One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don’t go into government.”

Cool, self-proclaimed bad guy.

  • “Rosie O’Donnell’s disgusting both inside and out. You take a look at her, she’s a slob. She talks like a truck driver, she doesn’t have her facts, she’ll say anything that comes to her mind. Her show failed when it was a talk show, the ratings went very, very, very low and very bad, and she got essentially thrown off television. I mean she’s basically a disaster.”

The pot calling the kettle black.

  • “I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”

Wtf? Seriously, just wtf!?

  • “You know, it really doesn’t matter what the media write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.”

It really doesn’t matter what the woman tells you, Donald, you’re physically repulsive. To all of them.

  • “Our great African American President hasn’t exactly had a positive impact on the thugs who are so happily and openly destroying Baltimore!”

Mexicans, blacks, women– he doesn’t discriminate. Trump hates everyone who isn’t him.

  • “The only kind of people I want counting my money are little short guys that wear yamakas every day.”

Sorry, what was that, Hitler? 

  • “Sometimes your best investments are the ones you don’t make.”

Exactly. That’s why no one with any brains will be investing in your future with this country.

  • “A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate.”

On President Obama’s birthplace/nationality.

  • “I am the least racist person there is. And I think most people that know me would tell you that. I am the least racist.”

Please see the above and below statements.

  • “Laziness is a trait in blacks.”

Go on, don’t hold back, Mr. Trump…Tell us more…

  • “Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest—and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure; it’s not your fault.”


  • “In life you have to rely on the past, and that’s called history.”

Rebecca Sutton is a freelance writer and literature enthusiast. She aspires to teach and change the world, one word at a time. Specializing in landing pages as well as business and professional profiles, she is also available for website copy and ghostwriting.

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